Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
