She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
