I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
