she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
