I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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