Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
