On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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