Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
