dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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