2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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