pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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