I love black thongs
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
