they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
