Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
