If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
