If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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