If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
