arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
