I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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