I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
