thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Pants are for mortals
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
