I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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