Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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