What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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