508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
