I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
