So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
