I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
