I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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