Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
