So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize