this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
