Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
