We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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