I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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