you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
