Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
