You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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