Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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