The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
