i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
