Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
