his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
