ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize