My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
