you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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