He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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