I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
