so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
