How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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