cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
