even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
