I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
