this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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