I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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