I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
