All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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