I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
