I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
