i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
