I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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