How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
