Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
